I just made out with a guy for $7.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
