Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
