Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
