i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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