WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
