watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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