watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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