a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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