Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
