The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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