I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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