Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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