So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
