Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
