This is not my ceiling
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
