it glows. i had to have it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
