you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
