Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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