This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
