im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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