Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
