He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize