The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
