Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
