i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
