Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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