why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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