i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
