Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
