alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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