You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize