He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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