If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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