His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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