You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
