i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still have a little drunk in my system
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
