I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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