Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
