i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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