you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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