If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
