mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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