clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize