i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
