My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
PANTIES FOUND
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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