i may or may not be watching the land before time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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