hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
