OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
