he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
