So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
