After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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