he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
