A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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