I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
