I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
