Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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