nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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