OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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