pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
