So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
