kristin has been a bad kristin
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
