ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
