Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Holy shit dude........stairs
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