i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
