and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
