I just pynch a tree in the face
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize